Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ancillary Services 2

G liked it. I hated it.

I feel.......impure. I feel the draw. I feel like I should do all of it or none of it. We decided on Tuesday / Thursdays, but the classes meet at noontime, so it's smack in the middle of our days. We like to have all day plans. I think that's a small sacrifice, but an annoying one.

Doing all of it is not an option, but these people have "it" under control. I really liked them.

It's not them, it's SCHOOL. I am revolted by the idea of my small children being corraled like that all day. I love homeschooling with my kids. But days like today make me feel like a freakshow. I am so accustomed to my little world that I really feel shaken.
WTH is wrong with me???????

OK it's late and I am freaking out. I LOVE HOMESCHOOLING. But we have property taxes sneaking up on us in October and I thought it would be a nice win-win situation if I enrolled G in music and PE at the local elementary school instead of continuing to pay for private lessons on the side.

I DON'T WANT HER TO GO NOW. For no other reason than... I DON'T WANT HER TO GO. It's not fair, it's not rational, and while they are pissing me off with their "just one more!" form bull, one expects that from the bureacracy. I am hoop-jumping their stupid paperwork as we speak, but it's making me actually, physically sick.

So she has gone to one music class, I have met the teacher and I like her program. I love how she talks to the children and this woman flipping writes grants on her own time to benefit her music program at the elementary school. Dedicated and smart, she thinks outside of the box to fund her own job and heavily volunteers in the community parks department. She's insanely wondermous and she's why I even bothered with this. I sought her out, and this is how I can get her for G.

When I think of G in her class, I am fine. But the whole sense of signing my child over in legalese, even when I KNOW it's paperwork the schools want to keep their own behinds covered........ it makes me nuts.

Is this because she's never been in school?? Ever? Am I having my preschool meltdown three years too late? We're talking about two hours a WEEK, here.

So if I pull her for my own peace of mind, then how do I make peace with G, who is very excited about it all now, because I have TAKEN HER THERE. I have set her tiny behind up for disappointment if I flake on this now. That's something I dread equally, maybe even more.


Lillian reminds me I am PMSing and perhaps I will benefit from chilling out. :)


  1. (((HUGS))) Since she was TWO she's talked about going to school. I think this will be a good experience for her to try.

  2. I have older homeschooled children, but last year when my daughter wanted to take a couple of classes at the school it was like ripping out my heart. One day I was okay with it, thinking this is right... she is growing up and what we have poured into to her is now going to be tested by her. Then another day I would be like... no, we don't play the rules by the corporate red tape and high school girl pecking order. I struggled with it every time she had to be somewhere that messed up my plan.

    A year later, it was good she had the experience. A year later, I have gone through my emotional roller coaster and am now on the other side of this "letting go a little" experience. I feel for you mom!

    Dori of the bakehouse blog
    I switched to the beta blogger so I have to post anonymous

  3. I posted this on my blog today, "There are times when you meet your expectation head-on and realize how much it holds you back from experience. Often, expectation intertwines with fear resulting in a skewed perception of the world."


  4. Haven't I always said the hardest part of being a parent is letting go?

    Here mean ~A~ has to come out, but you have always flaked on G when it comes to school. *d* just said, and I know it's true because I've known too how long G has longed to go to school.

    She's a social kid, she loves being around kids. Keep homeschooling, we have a lot of it around here. MM's best friend's mom pulls her kids in and out of school to homeschool them all the time. In fact she's talking about pulling MM's friend out in 4th grade because it's a throw away year because they focus on the WASL. I personally don't let the WASL bother me because I have my own standards for the kids and we do supplemental homeschool here.

    Anyway, my point is, don't flake on G now. It would not be fair to her. So it doesn't jive with your flexibility and ruins a couple days out of your week. Big deal. Think of the happy memories she's going to have from her 1st grade PE and music classes. Think of the people skills she's going to get by dealing with kids that are not her friends that you have chose for her. Think of the new friends she's going to make in class. And, here's your in to info on a local scout troop.

    Hang in there.

  5. I have to say that "flake" must mean different things to you and me. I have NEVER enrolled her before, then taken her out. I've never told her she's going to go somewhere, take some class, and then not followed through. Our whole homeschool journey began because she was waitlisted for a public montessori school I loved. We moved to WA before she could get in.

    We homeschool now as a matter of choice and principle. It's been a pleasant but intense educational experience for me
    to study theory and how brains work at these guys' ages.

    I think it is parental responsibility at her age to approve her friends. That's important. I didn't choose the girl next door for instance, but I don't restrict access to her. If she were a hoodlum, I sure would.

    However, you and *D* are right in that G has been very curious, for a very long time, about what goes on in the brick and mortar place, so we'll see how she does. I stayed the course, and she's taking those classes. I did that for her.

    I didn't have to write a check to them, but I have never had to endure the amount of personal intrusion (medical records release!) we experienced this week to take anything else; and we only had to fill out half the paperwork of the enrolled, attending student.

  6. and thank you btw. I know you're being supportive.

    Any news on that brownie troop?