I am Shy. No I am not. Yes, really I am. And shy people hate me. Sort of. Or at least they're scared of me. Going to playdates where there will be new people is a stomach-clencher for me. Going to adult parties, especially, is a killer.
I wrote about this phenomenon elsewhere and Niki wrote this back to me. I thought it was pretty insightful, and it explains--at least temperamentally-- why our friendship meshes so well.
~L~, you are...interesting. Complex. Unboxable.
You develop anxiety over starting new relationships/meeting new people/being in unfamiliar places. Yet you're unabashed around people you don't know, once you're actually faced with them. People you don't care about...the server at a restaurant, customer service on the phone, etc...you're not anxious about. It is the impression you seem to get anxious about, and that only matters with people you'll be having contact with later, so you don't have to be anxious about those incidental contacts as you go about your day (the way a shy person would).
I hope you know that I stepped neatly out of my comfort zone when I called you multiple times to try and figure out getting together for the first time. I don't like talking on the phone very much. I don't read people well over the phone, I get distracted easily, the kids are loud, I can't seem to multitask effectively while on the phone, etc, etc, etc. And I didn't know you all that well yet.
It isn't that shy people hate you. It is that people who like things peaceful and quiet and predictable hate you. ~M~and I are both pretty quiet people, but we like you because we like a little turmoil in our lives. Like I've said, if we were all quiet and predictable, we'd sit there drinking coffee and sighing to ourselves, and nobody would have fun. Um, plus you know I suck at the whole "predictable" thing. I plan my life like 5 minutes in advance.