Thursday, August 03, 2006

My feelings are so hurt I can't even stand it

That damn allergy again.

We had a great day... really a great, shining, idyllic day! The kids got to their final swim class (on time) and finished wanting more. G is now jumping in just like her brother, and even submerging herself further than he is. She has pronounced "I am not afraid anymore!!" which is worth the money alone. That's all I wanted-- I think the rest will come on it's own. Even so, P-daddy and I are putting them both in for one more session because they asked, and because they will get the skills we can build on later.

We left there, drove around in the country burbs admiring amazing hidden neighborhoods. We snagged some snacks at a service station in Rosedale, (a pretty service station, can you imagine?), then went to the library. After a quick stop at the grocery, we came home.

The neighborkids of two months were playing in the backyard so mykids joined them. G came back in all excited because they were playing slip and slide, and she got to use her sporty new swimsuit. Well, GIRLIE GIRL new swimsuit. I got an hysterically funny email from a friend about housework and it contained a line that Neighborwife used last week, so I printed it out to take over to her.

As I rounded their back deck, I heard 7 yo Neighborgirl saying to G that
"Peanuts don't come in a shell anyway, silly!" My fun spirit evaporated as my stomach sunk to its current state. I came up the deck to find my kids watching Neighborgirl, Neighborboy and two young guests chowing on a gallon zip-loc bag of pistachios. For the uninitiated, G is allergic to tree nuts and peanuts. They're two different things entirely, and even while pistachio nut doesn't rate high on her list of allergens, it's produced and roasted on the same factory lines as the other treenuts that would send her into anaphylactic shock. Cross contamination is a very real issue.

This is their home, they have friends over and they can eat whatevery they damn well want. I am good with all that, truly accepting of it. All I asked of Neighborwife was that she keep my kid out of harm's way. Send her home. Just Send.Her.Home. I kind of gaped at the scene for about two seconds, before I said, "G, go home. Neighborgirl, where's your Mom?" On the way in, I found N's sandals in the doorway so I called him back to retrieve them. When I went in, Neighborwife was on the couch, clearly in hearing distance of all of it.

I tried to play it cool, I carried over the printout in my now-limp hand and gave it to her, kind of feebly making the joke I'd planned on delivery. Then I said "did you know they were eating nuts out there?" She said, "well yeah, but I thought she'd be ok if she didn't eat any." I said "She can't really be around them at all, so I sent her home." Neighborwife's friend came back into living room from the bathroom. Yay. An audience for the crazy neighbor show.

"Well, they'll be done in a minute I am sure, and they'll be back out there playing." She seemed genuinely puzzled, and I was feeling the fluttering of irrational anger coming in; I wanted out of there so bad. Internal monologue: Do not tank new neighbor relationship. G likes Neighborgirl. They're really cool. Behave. Be honest, but behave. Smile. External monologue:

"She's contact sensitive, so now that they've got nuts on them, and they'll be all slippin' and slidin' together, she will get coated too. It's ok that she goes home, it's cool, really." I beat it out of there making a lame joke about hanging the email on the bathroom mirror for Neighborman to see. I know I looked frazzled.

Why did I say that? It's not cool It's not cool It's not cool!!!!!! Do not fuck with my daughter's life. I am so pissed off and hurt. How hard is it to get the "no nuts for G" thing?? IT'S NOT ROCKETSCIENCE. I don't want Neighborwife thinking about it that hard. We live just next door. Send her home. Don't feed her. If you want to enjoy your nut snacks, please do but please send her home. It's no more alienating than having one kid standing there, waiting and watching while everyone else enjoys a snack she can't have.

So now I am here just stewing, spinning in my head. Second guessing everything I did. Frustrated with G for not going home, as she KNEW to do. I just posted today on MDC about how smart she is about the allergy. Well blow that all to hell. Never underestimate the power of peer pressure, even at age 6. Frustrated with Neighborgirl for being a smartass or a dumbass one, telling G peanuts don't have shells. WTFever. Frustrated with thie mother who just....what the hell was that??? I don'tknow what it was?? Was she stupid? Careless? Not paying any attention at all? She manages a restaurant! Her dh is a fireman! They supposedly know this stuff.

Angry with me for letting my guard down and trusting someone way too soon.

Scared shitless that we could have gotten that ambulance ride, real easy.


  1. I am so sorry Lory, that was so out of line of your neighbor. I think when your head has cooled off a little (you have EVERY right to be as upset as you are!) you should go back and talk to her since its important to you to save the neighbor relationship. Lots of hugs!

  2. ((hugs)) I followed your link from MDC. You've been such a big help to me. I wish I had words, but really, you're the one with all the experience under your belt dealing with this. I think you handled yourself very well considering. Maybe you could print them out some literature. She obviously doesn't understand the levity of these allergies or she would have asked you first if G could react.
    You're welcome to visit my blog at!
    All my best, Boobs

  3. Lory she was inconsiderate in not thinking in not being an adult.
    Such a serious allergy with serious reactions how very rude of your neighbor.

  4. oh my sweetie - I would be steaming. I too would go over later and say - you know I was so scared I couldn't think right when I was talking to you. I really value our relationship and the girls love playing together - so I just really need to make sure we are OK and we are on the same page.... and continue from there.

    Now... Having said the mature way to handle it

    Wouldn't you just like to physically knock some sense into her... I mean this is a child's life fucktard...

    ohhh ohhhh I have now used that term two times LOL

  5. Shit, Linda you actually made me laugh. Right now, that'd be hard!

    I love that word. Alas...

  6. It's funny how some people act/react. When your kids, or other kids with FA came to the house I would scrub everything from ceiling to floor and make sure that no allergen foods are eating 24 hrs prior to visits.

    Then there are the dumbasses who don't even realize that nut oils can transfer through the air, even if you tell them.

  7. Honey, you have EVERY right to be fuming. I thinking going back over there once things have calmed down is a beautiful plan. She probably hasn't a clue because she has never experienced the shear panic you experience when you see your child start swelling up and having a tough time breathing. I can tell you till I had my experience with M (which doesn't hold a candle to G's stuff) I could not fully understand the scaryness of it. I hope you are able to find a way to make you feel ok w/ G being there. HUGS!!!!

  8. Oh Lory! Every time I read a post of your's like this is just reminds me how careful I need to be with my neighbor boy who lives right behind me. I am so sorry for your frustration, and so glad that G is ok!

  9. Time for her to watch the video. I'm shaking angry. ((HUGS))

  10. I think you handled it better than I would have. I agree with the others that maybe going back over - next week and just saying "hey - I just wanted to make sure things are okay with us......and the girls etc. However, I was so scared coming around the corner and realizing that ........" conversation like that should make her more aware and appreciate the effort you put in to smooth things out. Also she probably needs to know that this is not something that just blows over or can be laughed off.