Friday, November 02, 2007

Settling into winter

So this is what "having kids" looks like.

While having my first baby be seven acutely shows me that at 2.75, my last baby is still very much a "baby," he is still more a child than an infant and I know it. He's been out of diapers for some time and I think we finally weaned this week. He'll be 3 next month.

Things have changed. I've had a baby for 7 years, in one form or another, and now I don't. And it doesn't bother me. Things are fresh and I can look forward again. This isn't a lament about maternity, because I treasured that period in my life and I have close friends there now; it's just a dawning awareness in me that I have arrived "there." That "next phase" we talk about.

My weekly winter calendar is bonkers full of stuff for the kids, without regard to nap time or nursing or playgroup or diaper changes. We're busy taking classes, engaging in the community, and fully active in the home school community now. My bigger kids tell me jokes we all appreciate, and they actually make me LAUGH on a connected humor level, not just a "oh aren't you cute" level. They give back. They expect different things from me, and I find myself not wanting to disappoint them.

This is a really tedious entry. I know I am not expressing myself well. I will try again later.


  1. I know exactly what you are trying to convey. Although I truly LOVED their infancy and toddlerness its awesome that they aren't dependant on me for everything now. In the same respect, you totally do everything you can for your babies because you are trying to give them a good foundation - but when they start that crossover into adolesence/pre-teen years.....its almost as if you want to do more for them/with them because they actually "get" it. And partly, for me, I know I am loosing my time with them and I want to savor every moment I have with them.

    I think I got lost in there also. But know I GET what you were trying to say!!

  2. YES! YES!

    but when they start that crossover into adolesence/pre-teen years.....its almost as if you want to do more for them/with them because they actually "get" it.

    That's it! I try no to think about the time running out........eeeeeeeeeeek.

  3. I know G probably realizes how totally awesome you are........but wait till she is closer to 9/10/11. Rome is there now and he has even said to me "You aren't like other moms." He knows we do things that a lot of other kids never get to do or experience. He also realizes how much more I do for them compared to others. Its the most amazing feeling and even though he tells me I am the best etc. I STILL want to do more with them! LOL I just want to fill them up to the brim and I don't want them to EVER doubt that they weren't my #1's.

    I am becomming very vechlempt right now! Thanks love!!!

  4. The teen years are at times harder than the toddler and infancy years but they are so incredible!!
    Hailey and Adam are at the 7 and 10 year old stage yet still very young 7 and 10 year olds.. and love me because I am a good cook! But they can talk to me which is wonderful!! Ryan is 15 and it is so refreshing to have a "adult" conversation with him. It is truly amazing how when things just kind of turn on in their brains and they become their own person.!

    Enjoy this I love this part of being a mommy, although I have the best of both worlds, I have the kids who get it and the one who loves me just because I am momma and not because of what I do for him.

  5. Lory - this is so interesting - because I am only a few months behind you (9 to be exact) - but I feel like I still haven't left the infancy place quite yet. This gives me something to look forward to.

  6. I am just waiting for that next phase. It's going to be a while though. I can't wait to get out of the house and into other activities that don't solely involve boobs and diapers. *sigh*